It’s the most wonderful time of the year, chaps.
It’s time to eat like pigs, drink like hooligans and write down your New Year’s resolutions. Hopefully, this time you will stick by them until mid-February.
Mine is simple: I want to continue writing this newsletter at least until Christmas of 2023.
Which begs the question…
Why?
What’s my endgame with this newsletter? What good things could come out of sticking with this for another year?
Frankly, I don’t have those answers yet, at least not entirely. Today’s newsletter is an opportunity to organise my thoughts about this endeavour while being transparent with you, my beloved reader.
What you will find below is a self-conducted questionnaire. Just me, trying to be honest with me, which is not something that many people do nowadays. I invite you to choose one of your own resolutions and ask yourself similar questions.
Let’s go!
1) Why did you start writing this newsletter?
There were various reasons. It started as a journaling practice and it still remains mainly that, a therapeutic tool to achieve catharsis. It’s a creative release even if I am not directly discussing the things that trouble me the most.
There is ego as well. A part of me believes that some people could find my writing enjoyable, so why not share it with them?
I won’t get carried away, though. The number of readers of this newsletter could all comfortably sit in a minibus and most seats would still be empty.
Yet, I think it’s a good sign that I am writing regardless of how many people are reading. It means I have some sort of intrinsic motivation to do it thus I am less likely to give up.
Finally, writing this newsletter could help me to make some money on the side, assuming things like ChatGPT don’t burn the whole creative industry to the ground.
I remember that ‘Wow’ feeling of getting paid after my first freelance writing gig, back in 2015. I got paid something like 0.01 USD per word and I felt like writers must do when they publish a novel. It was an exploitative rate but it took me a few months to wise up.
Perhaps I will resume my freelancing days. Maybe I will make this newsletter so good that I can charge a subscription fee. Who knows? I could end up writing ‘Another Fucking Book’.
Whatever it is, writing is the best way to find out.
2) What would make you stop writing this newsletter?
Boredom and indifference.
If I get bored, I will find the silliest of all excuses to stop writing. My mind will find the next shiny thing to keep itself entertained.
One day next week I might not feel like writing and that’s okay. But then one day could become two and three and, suddenly, I have not written for a month. It had happened with other activities (e.g. going to the gym, learning python, producing my video game, etc).
Boredom triumphs over all my logical efforts to do and finish stuff.
The best thing I can do to avoid boredom is to simply write whatever the fuck I want, with curse words and all. It does not matter what people want to read or what’s going on in the world. First and foremost, I need to please and entertain myself.
Unfortunately, this approach it’s a perfect recipe for indifference. If am only writing for myself, why would other people care about what I have to say?
Everyone likes being appreciated, especially when you are doing something as personal and artistic as writing. I am sure Van Gogh cut his ear because he felt depressed and underappreciated as a painter.
I am not suggesting my writing is on par with Van Gogh’s art. Hell, the literature value of my texts is only marginally greater than a Twitter debate between Elon and his haters.
But what if no one cares? What if I am the most diligent, disciplined and amusing writer ever, but no one gives a damn?
Would I chop my own ear and quit?
Fortunately, I am not such a drama queen so there won’t be any blood. I would just silently quit and move on to the next thing, like that day I had enough of my job delivering newspapers around the university campus and thought ‘fuck this, I am not showing up tomorrow’.
They never saw my pretty face again.
3) What part do you like more about writing this?
Writing my thoughts forces me to give them shape and structure. It also challenges their value - some ideas sound good until you write them down and you realise they are shite.
I also like that feeling of ‘Mum, look what I created!’
After I hit publish, I run to my wife and ask her to read the newsletter, like a first-grader showing their teacher a robot-dinosaur drawing they just did.
When I observe her reading and reacting to my writing, my chest feels warm. It’s comforting.
4) What part do you hate more about writing this?
I hate social media with burning passion these days so the whole shenanigans around ‘promoting’ the newsletter make me feel sick. I can’t help it.
Most people on social media don’t care about me the same way I don’t care about them. All content feels like a facade to mask our obscure intentions.
I wish we could go back to the time when social media was just you and your friends playing Pet Society.
5) Where do you see this newsletter in one year?
I would like more people to read it and share their own stories with me. That warm and comforting feeling in my chest would grow stronger.
Realistically, my measurable goal for next year is to get 100 readers for this newsletter.
6) What are you doing now to achieve that vision?
I am being disciplined. Every Sunday and Wednesday, without fail, these emails are going out.
Sticking to deadlines is particularly difficult when it comes to creative tasks. I would argue that a writing piece is really never finished. There is always a better word to use, an analogy that would fit better, or some extra words that could be cut off like yellow fat off a juicy steak.
However, having to meet a deadline forces you to draw a line in the sand and say ‘enough’. That discipline is fundamental for success. Many promising people and projects (including my own) fail due to a lack of discipline.
The most impactful thing I can do now is just to show up in your inbox, every Wednesday and Sunday. The rest of the things will probably be a consequence of that consistency.
7) How are you keeping yourself accountable?
Part of the reason I went ‘public’ with my writing was to create that illusion of accountability. If I convince myself that there are people out there waiting for this week’s newsletter, I am creating an imaginary obligation to them. I have to write the bloody thing, otherwise, I would be letting myself and others down.
Also, you know what they say: scared dogs can’t have puppies.
Well, that was mildly interesting.
Believe it or not, this exercise is what I needed to flush things out of my head. My focus feels sharper and my thoughts more straight.
Hopefully, you could do something similar using one of your goals for next year. If you do, and you feel like sharing, feel free to drop me an email telling me how it went :)
Before leaving…
I have a tiny favour to ask. You see, I want to fill more seats on that imaginary minibus I mentioned before. I need a bit of your help with that.
If you have enjoyed reading my emails so far, maybe a couple of your friends would do as well. I am hoping, like a kid hoping that Santa didn’t forget their favourite toy, that you could invite them to come on board and make this ride more fun.
A simple message over Whatsapp saying ‘Hey mate, check this out, I think you would like it’ would probably be enough.
If everyone reading this brings a friend, and then that friend brings a friend, and so on, we could reach 100 readers in no time.
Could you imagine that?!
Anyway, that’s all for now. Remember to:
Drink lots of water, especially if you are taking shots at a Christmas party.
Call and message your loved ones while you are still sober.
Mind the gap between the train and the platform.
Sayonara, Sammy.
Cesar.
Come on, be disciplined until Christmas 2023, I'm 100% sure something very cool or cooler will come out of this. I enjoy reading it and I hate reading. This newsletter though are entertaining.